Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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