He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
