am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
