its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bring me that man meat
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
