i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
