i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
