After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
