Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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