We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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