You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
