I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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