i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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