She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We have started to decorate penises.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
