Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
