Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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