Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
