FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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