I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
