Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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