well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
