...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
