I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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