Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
