I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
wow bdsm is so cute
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
