I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You can't motorboat a personality
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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