I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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