she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
