Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
