i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
