so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
