oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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