Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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