Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
