I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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