I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
