i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
