So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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