i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
