I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
