'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
