Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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