I hope mine doesn't look like that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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