How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
