do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
