Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
