YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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