My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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