Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
