i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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