I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
